Hero Exchange Program
by A.Fox
Summary: When Link and Mario get tired of their normal routines they decide to switch places for a year and man does it seriously   censored   things up.  Inspired by Youtube Poop.
1. In the Begining

(Hello there dear readers welcome to another Fic by your truly and remember I don't own the Mario series nor the Legend of Zelda series.)

This story began one day in the Mushroom Kingdom, while brothers Mario and Luigi were going for lunch.

"It was sure nice of the Princess to invite us over for a picnic eh Luigi" Mario said to his brother.

"I hope she made lottsa spaghetti" Luigi quipped.

When they got to the gate to her palace they found a note there and Mario read aloud, "dear pesky plumbers I have kidnapped the Princess and hid her in one of my seven Koopa Hotels, I dare you to rescue her if you can" he put down the message and groaned "aw shit not again."

* * *

Mario grumbled as he came home, while plucking arrows out of his butt "aw Christ does this have to happen every day?"

"Don't worry bro" Luigi said "at least you got to fuck the Princess."

"I know but it's the same very day Bowser kidnaps the Princess, we kick Bowser's ass, we save the Princess and the Princess lets us fuck her out of gratitude but I'm telling you I need…

* * *

"…A change of pace" Link grumbled as he stood before the King, pulling ninja stars out of his butt.

" (1 hour later) mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm (5 hours later) …dinner?

"WHAT THE FUCK DOES THIS HAVE TO DO WITH FOOD? Link yelled.

"I'm hungry."

"IS EATING ALL YOU CARE ABOUT?

"Yes."

"Well somehow that doesn't surprise me…now what about my vacation?"Mah boy I'm afraid that you cannot, due the fact that since the entire Hyrulian army went on a two year vacation you cannot leave Hyrule, lest our enemies (like Ganon) strike."Link was about to complain when Gwonan flew in on his magic carpet "your majesty I found something Link might be interested in" he said unrolling a poster "it is said here that if a hero wishes it they…"

* * *

"…Switch places with a willing one?" Mario said as he finished reading a similar ad that appeared in his mailbox while he was gone.

"Sounds like a good deal to me bro" Luigi said.

"GOOD? THIS IS THE ANSWER TO MY FUCKING PRAYERS" the red suited plumber hollered extremely pleased with this turn of events, and at speeds faster then the mortal eye could perceive (or at least it seemed that way) he ran to his computer and began filling out an application for said program.

* * *

Back in Hyrule Link was doing the same in hopes of getting a vacation, he was so pleased he didn't notice Morshu had placed a bomb behind him even after it exploded.

The next day Mario had gotten out of bed and checked his E-mail "hey Luigi great news the hero of Hyrule…"

* * *

"…Agreed to switch places with me" the pleased as punch Link said, grinning so widely the Cheshire Cat would be envious "hey Gwonan I just got permission to switch places with the Mushroom Kingdom's hero"

Gwonan didn't say anything because he wasn't there the King however…

"I hope he brings dinner."


	2. Mario Moves in

(I don't own the Legend of Zelda, the Mario series, South Park, or Monty Python.)

Mario set down his backs after he entered the grand halls of the King's castle being greeted by said owner.

"Do you have any dinner?"

"No."

"Then why the fuck are you here?"

"Didn't you ask for to have your hero to switch places with me?"

"You're not the pizza guy?"

"Yep."

"Oh never mind make yourself at home."

Mario walked off while the King waited for his oh-so-important pizza delivery, the plumber went upstairs and was met by…a certain fat guy with lederhosen and a small "Robin Hood" like hat.

"Hello sir do you want bombs?" Morshu asked.

"No."

"Fuck you dick" the shopkeeper snarled throwing a bomb at Mario and knocked him down the stairs.

"Oh boy this has certainly been one of those days" Mario grumbled as he picked up his bags, however he looked up and saw the bomb hadn't blown up.

"Son of a fucking…"

KABOOM the explosion blasted Mario out of the castle.

About an hour later Mario stumbled in, a little woozy from the bomb "oh of all the times for me to be out of as sidekick."

The King (who was still waiting for his pizza) turned his head and asked "why?"

"Because sidekicks do all the shit that would get me killed if unsuccessful."

"Hmm…hmmmmmmmmmmm…I'll be your sidekick."

Mario's eyes bulged "didn't you hear what I just said?"

"Yes and it sounds like it'd get me a lot of dinner."

"What does dinner have to do with this?"

"Well…hey there's my pizza" the King yelled jumping out and grabbing it with gusto (neglecting to pay the pizza man) before stalking off to his dining room so the pizza could "say hello to his little friend."

Mario picked up his bags and walked off into the living room where he saw Zelda reading a spellbook.

"Hey what're you doing?"

Zelda put down the book and explained "unfortunately while my puberty has set in, my boobs haven't grown in yet so I'm planning to use this spell book so I may accelerate the process."

"Isn't that against nature?"

"I'll leave that question up to the philosophers…ah ha this might be it."

She spoke a series of words that sounded suspiciously like Latin and soon after she noticed a little problem…her breasts weren't getting big her butt was.

"OH MY GOD IT WENT WRONG WHAT THE HELL DID I USE?" she screamed before hurriedly skipping through the spell book in hopes of finding a cure.

Mario found this amusing, but decided to put his stuff away however when he walked up the stairs he ran into Morshu again.

"Hello sir are you now interested in buying bombs?"

"No I'd like to have a chance to put away my stuff first.""Here we go again" Morshu groaned before throwing another bomb however it didn't reach it's target because a cheese burger hit it in midair and sent it away.

They both turned their heads and saw the King holding a bizarre weapon that looked a little like a bazooka he grinned the grin a homicidal maniac did before gutting his enemies hanging them out to dry and then performing a jig on their remains (Charles Manson) before saying "dinner is served."Morshu attempted to run but he was blasted out a nearby window by a volley of cheeseburgers.

"What the fuck was that?" a amazed Mario exclaimed.

"My Dinner Blaster" the King explained.

Mario blinked before walking back up the stairs where he encountered Gwonan while he was tuning his magic carpet.

"Ah you must be the hero Link switched places with I can see great things in you."

"Such as?"

"The hoagie you ate on the way here."

"How'd you guess that?"

"The Crystal ball never lies…except on his day job."

Which is?"

"Insurance salesman."

Mario shrugged and finally got to his room "I hope nothing more fucked up happens."

He opened a closet only to see John Cleese at a newscaster desk he looked at Mario and said "and now for something completely different."

Mario was fed up by now so he threw Cleese out of his room and looked it "oh boy this better not get any worse."Opening up another closet he saw Eric Cartman in a vaudeville outfit.

The fat bastard opened his mouth and sang "Weeeellllllllllllll Kyle's mom's a bitch, a big fat bitch she's the biggest bitch in the whole wide…

Mario just slammed the door and went over to his bed "yep it's been one of those days."


	3. Link Moves in

(I don't own Legend of Zelda, Saw, or the Mario series.)

Link cracked his eyes open and saw the train had stopped its journey, picking up his bags he walked out and saw the Mushroom Kingdom for the first time.

He looked with amazement at all those giants Mushrooms scattered around like a forest filled with spore dispensing fungus.

As marveled as he was by this, his amazement was stopped by…

"Who the fuck are you?" Link questioned the massive tortoise who had a very spiky shell.

"It's Bowser yuh idjit" said tortoise snarled "the biggest, most sadistic, perverted, and evilest villain in the Mushroom Kingdom and what do you say to that."

"Well at least I don't have a small dick" Link retorted pulling down his trousers to prove it.

"Oh yeah mine's bigger" shouted the Koopa (enraged that he was flashed) before throwing off his shell (which contained Photoshop photos of Peach and him doing stuff I will not describe) as if to show that his piece of pork was bigger.

A few seconds after this however they both got a funny feeling on them, and turned their heads to see they'd accidentally flashed Russell Crowe, a Puritan, and a Lawyer.

Realizing how much shit they were in they hitched up their pants (or in Bowser's case shell) and ran for it.  
"I'm gonna beat the shit out of them" Crowe hollered bunching up his fists.

"And I shall burn them at the stake" the Puritan remarked pulling out his crossbow and a can of gasoline.

"Fuck you both I'm issuing a sexual harassment lawsuit" said the Lawyer.

The jaws of both Crowe and the Puritan dropped.

"What the Hell do you think you're doing?" Crowe snarled "that's just plain cruel."

"The sinner makes a strong point."

The Lawyer rolled his eyes "oh please what do you two idiots honestly think you can do to me? Your brains are both about the size of your-"

The Puritan and insane actor had, had enough of this and proceeded to release their pent up rage on the lawyer since Link and Bowser were now out of earshot now, and speaking of them…

"That was close" Link groaned.

Bowser's mouth spread into a crooked little grin "and now…"

He didn't get to finish, as a skinny beanpole of a man ran in and sent Bowser flying with a massive whip made of spaghetti.

"That was close" the skinny man said.

"Who are you?"

"I'ma Luigi Mario's-a brother."

"Is he the hero that switched places with me?"

"Yep."

"Great now he gets the boring routine."

"Funny he said the same thing about you."

Link had grown fed up with this exchange and prepared to set out for Mushroom Castles where he'd be for the remainder of his visit…Mushroom Castle.

The journey is so long a tedious that if I described it this chapter would make absolutely no sense, provoke a bunch of maniacs to beat the shit out of me with sticks, have Fat Bastard perform a tap dance routine on my bashed carcass, and provoke a herd of elephants to crap on me so I'll skip that part and go to the castle.

"And here is the castle you'll be staying at" Luigi blabbed having finished a long and boring rant that Link didn't bother listening to as he had more important things to wonder about (did Zelda finally grow boobs or not.)

"Gee it sure is boring around here" Link said yawning from his walking nap and looking around however an unpleasant sight greeted him.

"Hello weary travelers let's play a game" said a creepy looking man with a ventriloquist's doll he pulled out a "reverse bar trap" when he was suddenly eaten an alligator (dressed as a bobby.)

"Caught you in the act varlet" the gator snarled "no serial killer gets away from Alligator A. Alligator III" and with that the gator slinked off to eat some other helpless fool.

"Whoa now that was exciting wasn't it?"

"Gee it sure is boring around here" Link repeated.

Luigi slapped his head in frustration "holy shit what did we get in this deal?"


	4. The King's Unreasonable Demands Tribute

(I do not own the Legend of Zelda series, Lord of the Rings, The Dark Knight, Watchmen, Sin City, South Park, the character Catwoman, the Total Drama series, Sabrina Online, or the Mario Series.)

"I assure you there is nothing to worry about" Mario said to the King, not believing he had spent the last several hours trying to deal with the King's annual paranoia.  
"I can't help it, I have a feeling that someone out there is trying to kill me" he said attempting to seal himself inside a fortress of pillows.

"I assure you, that nobody is trying to kill you" Mario said opening up the throne room door…only to see the Joker standing there (as portrayed by Heath Ledger) who muttered "why so serious?"

Mario slammed the door "I assure you no one is trying to-."

RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR.

The Joker chopped the door down with his chainsaw and stepped through saying (in a louder voice) "why so serious?"

Mario pulled a rope and dropped an iron Curtin between them, "I repeat no one is trying-."

KABOOM.

Joker blew up the Curtin with explosives and jumped through repeating (yelling this time) "WHY SO SERIOUS?"

Mario had decided he had enough of this and hit the Joker with a frying pan, the blow wasso hard that it threw him out a window.

After hitting the ground the Clown Prince of Crime simply dusted himself off and muttered "why so serious?"  
It is now that I shall point out a wizard his name is Gandalf T. Grey, he is no ordinary wizard for whenever he is needed he becomes…the Wizard that beats people with a stick.

After the Joker hit the ground a man yelled "help someone needs to be beaten up."

Gandalf was in a nearby Laundromat at the time heard and wondered "gosh, a cry for help but how to get there without revealing my secret identity?"

"If only The Wizard that beats people with a stick were here."

An idea sprang to Gandalf "hey I think I know where I can find him…look" he said pointing off in some random direction.

While the people's backs were turned Gandalf changed into his secret identity and ran off, when the people looked back they were shocked "The Wizard that beats people with a stick? But how?"

Gandalf ran by a bunch of workers who had mixed reactions.

"Look at that, is it Senator Joseph McCarthy?"

"Is it Eric Cartman?"

NO IT's THE WIZARD THAT BEATS PEOPLE WITH A STICK."

The Wizard ran over to the Joker where the person that yelled greeted him "oh Wizard that beats people with a stick thank goodness you're here."

The Wizard shushed the man, before beating the shit out of the Joker and running off.

And yes where people need beating and men spy international communism, The Wizard that beats people with a stick is there, ready to smash the communists (we see the Author seated at a radio station) beat them into the dirt, crush their fricking skulls, DAMNED DIRTY RED SCUM, I HATE THEM I HATE THEM (pulls out bazooka) AND I WANT TO TEAR THEIR FRICKING-."

BASH.

(The Author's friend Italian Schizoid Boy runs in wearing a police badge and hat, also wielding an oversized mallet) I apologize for interrupting this Fic but I'm afraid that while I don't like communism much either, I have to arrest him for entering this rant again it's been the 56th time this year he's done this, and now back to what you actually came to see.

"Anyways King what was the other reason you called me?"

"Mah boy..."

"I'm not your boy."

"Mah carpenter…"

"I'm not your carpenter."

"Mah laser…"

"I'm not your laser."

(One hour later.)

Mah Plumber…"

"That's the ticket" Mario interrupted, still wondering how the King could have mistook him for his concubine.

"Duke Onkled of Gamalon, has cheated me out of $727674783 dollars and 39 cents I want you to head to Gamelon, loot his treasury, and bring the traitor to me."

"Alright your Majesty you can count on me" the plumber said scurrying off to get Duke Onkled in a month long quest which I will not describe since it's too long.

ONE MONTH LATER.

"There's the traitor your Majesty" Fara said pointing an accusing finger at said traitor.

"Please your omnipotence" the subservient coward of a duke groveled "have mercy."

Now the King probably would have given him some however he had a hard time sleeping earlier that night so…

"After you scrub all the floors in Hyrule, then after you scrub all the floors in Gamelon, then after you scrub all of me, then after you rub oil on my penis, then rub my dick, then you may eat shit, then you may take mah plumber to dinner."

"Great" Mario said.

"Then you must protect Zelda's boobies."

"But father I don't have-.'

"Then you must help me pee in the morning, then you must strive for this piece, then you must Eluryh ni sroolf eht lla debburcs uoy retfa, then you send Mario for pizza, then you must save me seven slices of pizza, then you must call Rorschach a pussy, then you must pay for your hospital bills, then you must insult Marv's mother, then you must goose Zig Zag, then you must lose a sexual harassment lawsuit to Catwoman, then you must get the Author a copy of all three Dreamkeepers graphic novels. then you must audition for Total Drama Dirtbags then you must perform a tap dance rountine in the nude then you must…er…um some help would be needed.

"Eat an octorock cock" Mario suggested.

"Then you must go fuck yourself" Zelda also added.

"And do the duck walk"

"Then I say, he should beat off and come unto Ganon's beautiful face" Gwonan said much to the shock of everyone there including Ganon (who was outside the window at the time for some reason.)

"And after, you've pleased all the plumbers in the Mushroom Kingdom then we shall talk of mercy take him away" The King said gesturing to Fara that the traitor should be sent out.

"Yes my liege" the Spaniard replied before throwing out the traitor.

ONE MONTH LATER.

"Gee, it sure was nice of Duke Onkled to invite us over for a picnic eh Luigi?' Link remarked to Mario's brother.

"I hope he made something spicy" he replied.

"Luigi look" the hero of Hyrule said before pulling off a note from Duke Onkled's door "it's from Duke Onkled" he remarked before reading it.

"Dear beautiful plumbers, I'm going to fuck you and please you with come, I can't wait for mercy…and come signed Duke Onlked" the shocked hero dropped the note "we gotta-" was all he could say before Duke Onkled rammed into him like a torpedo, but after a few seconds Link wasn't very pleased.

"Hey you get offa my penis."

"Please Link have me."

"No."

"Mercy."

"No."

"Mercy."

"No…Duke Onkled is one of those gays."

"Could you please fuck me."

"No why the hell are you even asking this?"

"Pleasing all the plumbers in the Mushroom Kingdom, is the last thing I have to do in order to receive mercy from the King."

"There's more then one way to please plumbers…"

ONE HOUR LATER.

"Thank you for the hot coffee."

"It really was that good?"

Yep and Luigi loved it too" Link said finishing off his mug of steaming hot coffee.

"Does that mean I can go back to the King?"

"Yep."

"BWAHAHAHAHAHA NOW I CAN RECEIVE MERCY" the exited Duke said befre running off to Hyrule.

ONE WEEK LATER.

"The traitor once again, your majesty" Fara said having seen Duke Onlked dash into the throne room.

"There I did it now may I have mercy?"

WILL DUKE ONKLED RECEIVE MERCY FROM THE KING FIND OUT IN PART TWO.

PART TWO

"Mercy?" the King inquired.

"Yes."

"" the King chortled laughing in the Duke's face.

And there you have it the Duke 's attempts to get mercy all backfired and in the next chapter we see what Link's up to)

(And for the record this chapter is a tribute to one of the first Youtube Poops I ever watched The King's Unreasonable Demands.)


	5. Shoop Da Whoop

(The only thing owned here is the idea everything else is owned by somebody else.)

"Gee it sure is boring around here" Link said to no one in particular, having woke up and found no action anywhere.

Then however a voice was heard being yelled was heard, right before a laser blast and a scream was heard this word being…

"IMMA FIRIN MAH LASER."

Link dived out of his window to investigate…and accidentally landed in the royal rose bushes, but then he jumped out and saw what was left of a corpse and saw something else slipping around the corner.

Running around the corner, he prepared to face an unknown foe…only to see four Big Daddies playing poker…and he accidentally tripped over their Little Sisters.

So naturally they weren't very happy to see him.

As the hero of Hyrule ran from four enraged death machines, he made a mental note to look where he walked from then on…if he survived that is.

Fortunately for him, the Little Sisters spotted an "angel" (odd since they weren't in Rapture) and the Big Daddies had to stop and protect their charges, so Link used this to save his ass and run for the hills.

And what was in the hills you ask?

The annual Splicers Convention.

Poor Link, he seemed to be getting a shitload of trouble today but that even wasn't the half of it.

"Gee it sure is dangerous around here" he muttered.

"Yeah well I didn't think it was so dangerous" Luigi also muttered, having came out there to find Link.

Despite the absurdly large amount of Splicers, everything went alright until…

"SPARTA!"

"Aw Christ mates, run the Big Daddies hired the Spartans this year."

The army of Splicers ran away from the army of half-naked Spartans as if their lives were at stake (which was the case.)

They didn't bother to get out of Link and Luigi's way and trampled the two…the Spartans did the same…and the Big Daddies (who decided to watch the killing) as well.

Link and Luigi had taken enough shit.

"I've taken enough shit" Link screamed.

"Me too" Luigi agreed.

So it was kind of ironic that a manure truck spilled some of it's contents on them just then.

As Link came home he was grumbling "now how am I going to find the murderer?"

Fortunately, (or unfortunately) the murderer ( The Laser Guy) was right behind them.

"IMMA FIRIN MAH-"

SLICE.

Link had unsheathed his sword and prepared to cut the murderer in half when…

"IMMA FIRIN MAH LASER."

His sword got cut in half by 's laser.

So he pulled out his bow when.

"IMMA FIRIN MAH LASER."

That got sliced as well.

Nunchucks.

"IMMA FIRIN MAH LASER."

His fridge.

"IMMA FIRIN MAH LASER."

The Goon's club.

"IMMA FIRIN MAH LASER."

The Goon.

"IMMA FIRIN MAH LASER" (and unlike the other shit he survived.)

An alligator tooth.

"IMMA FIRIN MAH LASER."

Aladdin.

"IMMA FIRIN MAH LASER."

Bombs.

"IMMA FIRIN MAH LASER."

His WTF bomb.

"IMMA FIRIN MAH LASER."

WHAT THE FU- BOOOOOOOOOM.

had been defeated by blowing up Link's WTF bomb and while he survived, he was knocked out colder than an ice cube.

"Great I won" Link proclaimed, despite the fact he won through sheer luck alone and walked off to his room…only to run into an angry Goon.

"Now I'm gonna learn you boys a thing or two about internal bleeding" he muttered, glaring at Link and Luigi while cracking his knuckles.

"It's been one of those days Link muttered.

"You can say that again" a frightened Luigi whimpered.

So we'll leave these two for a month to recover from getting the shit beat out of them, in the meanwhile let's see what happened to Mario.


	6. Hero Exhcange Program: The Musical

(Only thing I own in this Fic is the idea.)

"Boy it sure is boring around here" Mario muttered having realized that in Hyrule, shit didn't happen as much.

The King however had something that changed that.

"Mario mah plumber come with me."

"Why?"  
"There's been an infestation."

"Of what?"

The King looked both ways before bringing his voice down to a low, low whisper and let

out one chilling word "Spaceballs."

ONE MONTH LATER.

Mario walked into the building that supposedly was invested with Spaceballs…but were there?

Let's see President Scroob then.

"Heh now this is fun" the greedy pervert chuckled as he looked at Mario and the King through his view-screen.

Having barely escaped the Planet of the Apes last year, Scroob returned to find his planet had became fed up with the lack of air and moved to Earth…so Scroob decided to head there and rebuild the once mighty Spaceball Empire…starting with Hyrule.

His plan here was to chase Hyrule's hero and it's King out, so he could take it over and sent his first minion out.

So let's head back to the oblivious morons now shall we?

Mario and the King walked though the door and prepared to explore the house.

"I just remembered, I left my dinner in the oven and I don't want it to burn" the King muttered edging towards the door in hopes of escaping the joint.

Mario grabbed the King's robe "don't leave it's probably a false alarm."

"Oh I highly doubt that" a menacing voice said and looking at the nearby staircase the two saw, a lanky man with abnormally shiny eyes, one eyebrow, and (noticing this for some reason) the tattoo of have eye on his ankle.

"Who are you?" The King demanded.

"I am your beloved Count Olaf and you-" he was cut off by someone clubbing him unconscious with a lead pipe.

"Who are you?" The King demanded to the stranger.

The man was silent for a minute before breaking into song.

Scatting by Scatman John)  
I'm the Scatman  
(Scatting by Scatman John)  
I'm the Scatman  
(Scatting by Scatman John)  
Everybody stutters one way or the other  
So check out my message to you.  
As a matter of fact don't let nothin' hold you back.  
If the Scatman can do it so can you.  
Everybody's sayin' that the Scatman stutters  
But doesn't ever stutter when he sings.  
But what you don't know I'm gonna tell you right now  
That the stutter and the scat is the same thing.  
Yo I'm the Scatman.  
Where's the Scatman? I'm the Scatman.  
Why should we be pleasin' all the politician heathens  
Who would try to change the seasons if the could?  
The state of the condition insults my intuitions  
And it only makes me crazy and my heart like wood.  
Everybody stutters one way or the other  
So check out my message to you.  
As a matter of fact don't let nothin' hold you back.  
If the Scatman can do it brother so can you.  
I'm the Scatman.  
(Scatting by Scatman John)  
Everybody stutters one way or the other  
So check out my message to you.  
As a matter of fact don't let nothin' hold you back.  
If the Scatman can do it brother so can you.  
I'm the Scatman.  
I hear you all ask 'bout the meaning of scat.  
Well I'm the professor and all I can tell you is  
While you're still sleepin' the saints are still weepin' cause  
Things you call dead haven't yet had the chance to be born.  
I'm the Scatman.  
(Scatting by Scatman John)  
I'm the Scatman...repeat after me  
It's a scoobie oobie doobie scoobie doobie melody  
I'm the Scatman...repeat after me  
It's a scoobie oobie doobie scoobie doobie melody  
(Scatting by Scatman John)

"Who are you?" The King demanded for the third time that day.

"DIDN'T YOU HEAR MY SONG? I'M SCATMAN JOHN BITCH."

"Oh" the King said as if it were obvious the whole time.

"And what are you here for?" Mario inquired.

"Spaceball hunting it's a side hobby of mine" the singer explained pulling out an elephant gun.

"Is that legal?" The King asked.

"Oh Hell no and speaking of that if Interpol calls for me…I'm not here."

Shrugging, Mario and the King proceeded to look through the house with Scatman John covering the rear.

And then they ran into the next goon.

"This is delicious" M. Bison said as he ate a steak, unfortunately Mario accidentally knocked it over.

"YOU DARE RUIN MY DINNER?" The enraged tyrant screamed "YOU MUST DIE."

"Oh no we won't" the King said.

"WHY NOT?"  
"Cause you can't touch me" he said before breaking into song.

The King: Can't Touch Me!

Ju - Ju - Ju - Ju - Just like the badguy in Lethal Weapon 2,  
I got Diplomatic Immunity. So, Hammer, You can't Sue.

I can write graffiti, even Jay Walk in the street.  
I can right-a-loop, not give a hoot, And touch your sisters teeth.  
Can't Touch Me!

The King: Can't Touch Me!  
Bison: What in God's name is he doing?  
The King: Can't Touch Me!  
Mario: I believe thats the worm.

The King: Stop! King Time!

I'm a big shot! There's no doubt!  
Light a fire, then pee it out!  
Don't like it? Kiss my rump!  
Just for a minute, lets all do the bump!

Can't touch me!  
Yeah! Do the The King Bump!  
Can't touch me!

I'm presidential The King !  
Interns think I'm hot!  
Don't care if your handicapped,  
I'll still park in your spot!

I've been around the world!  
From Harvert to Backbay!  
It's The King! Go The King! I'm so The King! Yo, The King!  
Let's see Regis rap this way!  
Can't touch me!

Scatman John's jaw dropped at this "dude the owners of Family Guy are going sue you for that."

"No they won't."

"Yes they will."

"No they won't."

"Yes they will."

This argument continued for a good half hour. during which Bison got bored and went to get another steak leaving the others free to continue their quest.

And ran into another minion.

"Hello there I am and you all will DIE!"

"No you won't because…"

"NO" Scatman John screamed "FOR LOVE OF GOD I BEG YOU DON'T SING THAT SONG AGAIN I BEG OF YOU."  
"Fine then" he grumbled I'll sing something else.

Old Godzilla was hoppin' around  
Tokyo city like a big playground  
When suddenly Batman burst from the shade  
And hit Godzilla with a bat grenade  
Godzilla got pissed and began to attack  
But didn't expect to be blocked by Shaq  
Who proceeded to open up a can of Shaq-fu  
When Aaron Carter came out of the blue  
And he started beating up Shaquille 'o' Neal  
Then they both got flattened by the batmobile  
Before it could make it back to the batcave  
Abraham Lincoln popped out of his grave  
And took an AK-47 out from under his hat  
And blew Batman away with a ratatattat  
But he ran out of bullets and he ran away  
Because Optimus Prime came to save the day

(Chorus)  
This is the ultimate showdown of ultimate destiny  
Good guys, bad guys, and explosions as far as the eye can see  
And only one will survive I wonder who it will be  
This is the ultimate showdown of ultimate destiny

Godzilla took a bite out of Optimus Prime  
Like Scruff McGruff took a bite out crime  
And then Shaq came back covered in a tire track  
But Jackie Chan jumped out and landed on his back  
And Batman was injured and trying to get steady  
When Abraham Lincoln came back with a machete  
But suddenly something caught his leg and he tripped  
Idiana Jones took him out with his whip  
Then he saw Godzilla sneaking up from behind  
And he reached for his gun which he just couldn't find  
'Cause Batman stole it and he shot and he missed  
And Jackie Chan deflected it with his fist  
Then he jumped in the air and he did a somersault  
While Abraham Lincoln tried to pole-vault  
Onto Optimus Prime but they collided in they air  
Then they both got hit by a Carebear stare

(Chorus)  
This is the ultimate showdown of ultimate destiny  
Good guys, bad guys, and explosions as far as the eye can see  
And only one will survive I wonder who it will be  
This is the ultimate showdown...

Angels sang out... in immaculate chorus...  
Down from the heavens... descended Chuck Norris...  
Who delivered a kick... which could shatter bones...  
Into the crotch... of Indiana Jones...  
Who fell over on the ground... writhing in pain...  
As Batman changed back... into Bruce Wayne...  
But Chuck saw through... his clever disguise...  
And he crushed Batman's head... in between his thighs  
Then Gandalf the gray, and Gandalf the white,  
And Monty Python and the Holy Grail's black knight,  
And Benito Mussolini, and the Blue Meanie,  
And Cowboy Curtis, and Jambie the genie,  
Robocop, The Terminator, Captain Kirk, and Darth Vader,  
Lo-pan, Superman, every single Power Ranger,  
Bill S. Preston, and Theodore Logan,  
Spock, The Rock, Doc Oct, and Hulk Hogan  
All came out of nowhere lightning fast  
And they kicked Chuck Norris in his cowboy ass  
It was the bloodiest battle that the world ever saw  
With civilians looking on in total awe  
The fight raged on for a century  
Many lives were claimed but eventually  
The champion stood the rest saw the better  
Mr. Rogers in a blood-stained sweater

(Chorus)  
This is the ultimate showdown of ultimate destiny  
Good guys, bad guys, and explosions as far as the eye can see  
And only one will survive I wonder who it will be  
This is the ultimate showdown... (this is the ultimate showdown)  
This is the ultimate showdown... (this is the ultimate showdown)  
This is the ultimate showdown of ultimate destiny

Scatman grumbled again "I'm telling you man you'll get sued."

"No I won't" the King retorted.

The argument had started again, but Rabbit decided to use this to strike first blood, but Mario (who wasn't involved) stuck 's ears in his toaster and caused the little bastard to run away screaming.

The argument lasted for about an hour, before they finally decided to get the lead out and move along.

And ran into another minion (the last one fortunately.)

"I see you have came this far, but you lose because the Schwartz is with me" Dark Helmet said as he stomped out to attack the three.  
"And I'll sing an-" the started to say but was stopped when Scatman John chloroformed him.

"Sorry he's been like this all day."

"Do you think he got thee singing flu?"

"What the Hell is that?"  
"A cold esque disease, that causes people to beak out in song without any warning…like this."

Well, Kyle's Mom's a bitch,  
she's a big fat bitch,  
she's the biggest bitch in the whole wide world,  
she's a stupid bitch,  
if there ever was a bitch,  
she's a bitch to all the boys and girls.

Monday she's a bitch,  
on Tuesday she's a bitch,  
on Wednesday to Saturday, she's a bitch,  
then on Sunday, just to be different,  
she's a super, king, kameha-meha biatch!

Have you ever met my friend Kyle's mom,  
she's the biggest bitch in the whole wide world,  
she's a mean old bitch,  
and she has stupid hair, she's a bitch,  
bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch

Bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch,  
bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch,  
she's a stupid bitch,  
Kyle's mom's a bitch and she's  
such a dirty bitch!

Kyle's mom, is a bitch-cha.

"Like that?" Scatman John asked.

"Yes exactly."

"Well anyways LETS KICK YOUR ASS."

Mario pulled the Enclosed Instruction Book, Scatman John pulled out his elephant rifle, and Dark Helmet pulled out his Schwartz Ring.

The battle is long and tedious so…

ONE MONTH LATER.

"Phew now THAT was a battle" the plumber remarked.

"You're telling me" Scatman said reloading his elephant gun.

"Oh why did you do that?" the King moaned having now recovered from his short coma and regretted being out.

"Because you were about to sing and I couldn't afford to pay the lawsuits."

"I'd be paying for it not you."

"You'd force me to pay."

"No I wouldn't."

"Yes you-"

"Will you two shut the fuck up and get a move on, we got work to do" Mario grumbled then walking into Scroob's room with the other two following closely behind.

"Aha so you three have made it here and now you will all be-"

THWHIP.

Someone shot Scroob with a tranquilizer dart…and guess who did it?

"YOU? WHAT THE FUCK Are YOU DOING HERE?" Mario said pointing an accusing finger at me.

Well I'm here to gather an army to fight my nemesis' BB and King Louie.

"Are you still involved in that Author War?"

Yeah I am.

"When are you finally going to get a life?"

GO FUCK YOURSELF.

Mario does so.

That'll learn the dork and now I go off to raise my army further and Iv bet you want to know how Link's doing right? Well wait till next chapter to see what happened there.

(And in case anyone here is wondering I do not own the rights to an of these songs.)


	7. Merry Christmas

I have made this short non canon chapter to say one thing.

MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL YOU READERS OUT THERE, MAY YOU ALL GET WHAT YOU WANT FOR CHRISTMAS UNLESS THAT THING INVOLVES HURTING PEOPLE ESPECIALLY IF THAT PERSON IS ME...ESPECIALLY IF YOU HAOOEN TO BE A CERTAIN AUTHOR WHO SHALL REMAIN NAMELESS...BUT I'LL STILL WISH HER A MERRY CHRISTMAS ANYWAYS...IF SHE HAPPENS TO BE READING THIS.


	8. Revenge

(I do not own anything in this Fic except the idea.)

At yet another one of the ever popular "Bar With No Name" establishments an evil plan was formed a plan that Mario most certainly would hate.

In a nutshell it was summed up by a fellow villain specifically Ganon.

"HAVE YOU GONE MAD BOWSER? WHY THE HELL WOULD YOU BET ME THAT YOU COULDN'T MAKE PEACH BUY EVERYTHING BILLY MAYS SELLS?"Bowser grinned before taking a sip of his whiskey "easy I want some easy money."

"You couldn't do that because Peach hates that guy…I'd have better odds betting everything I own on the odds of Weegee talking."

"Are you sure?""YES!""Then will you bet ?""YES GODDAMNIT!"

The next day Bowser set his plan into motion.

Princess Peach had just exited her castle when a monk (really Bowser in disguise) came to her "excuse me miss would you like to give to charity?"

Now Peach being a kindhearted ruler said yes and signed a form to give one million coins…had she read the form however she'd have found that it actually was a shipment form for Billy Mays company and asked for his full stock.

The scream Peach made the next day when she found this out was so loud it was even heard on Hiroshima in 1945 when a nuclear bomb fell on it…on all the other Earths.

"BOWSER DID THIS I JUST KNOW HE DID" Peach angrily snarled having called Link and Luigi up to take a new mission.

"I WANT YOU TWO TO HEAD OUT AND TEACH BOWSER A LESSON HE WON'T FORGET!" The PSMing Peach bellowed.

And so the two ran out of the castle to exact vengeance …unfortunately Daniel Plainview was right outside and Link didn't like what they were seeing.

"Hey you, what're you doing?" Luigi asked.

Daniel looked up with an obviously irritated look on his face "are you two retarded? I have a very long straw" he said pointing to his straw "and that man has a milkshake, so logically I drink his milkshake."

Daniel went back to drinking his milkshake…but very soon he realized who was drinking the shake besides him…Chuck Norris.

"I don't like you drinking my milkshake" the unpwnable man said, cracking his knuckles.

Plainview couldn't even blink before he was literally punched into next week.

But enough randomness let's get to Bowser.

Link cut down the door to Bowser's castle and saw…Bowser and Ganon arguing?"Look Ganon, I won.""You tricked Peach you infantile worm.""So?""I admit I've tricked many people in the past but not to win bets."

"Then let's get a second opinion.""From who?""Calypso.""Fine then (clears throat) I SUMMON CALYPSO!"Calypso appeared in a ball of fire.

"You better have had a good reason for calling me Ganon."

"I do…Bowser here cheated me in a bet."

"Which was?""That Bowser couldn't get Peach to buy all of Bill Mays products."

"Did he beat you?""YES HE DID BUT HE DID BY CHEATING!"

"And what did you bet?"

"Everything I own and ten cents."

"Well we can't have that can't we…so I'll pick up your tab."

"REALLY?" An exited Bowser asked.

"Yes now tell me…what do you wish?""I wish to have sex with Princess Peach" the preverted reptile said.

"Your wish…is granted."

At that moment a flash of fire appeared and what appear to be Princess Peach standing still was there.

The overjoyed Boowser quickly scooped her up and ran into another room.

"ARE YOU CRAZY" Ganon yelled "WHY THE FUCK DID YOU GIVE HIM-"At that moment a loud BOOM was heard from the other room.

Calypso smiled and handed Ganon a baseball bat with a railroad spike driven through it "Bowser should be out for several hours" he then said before teleporting out.

Now since Ganon was about to beat them to the punch so Link and Luigi decided to spend the rest of the day at the arcade…until Professor Pyg scared everyone out of it.


	9. Zelda is a dirty slut not Ma Cartman

(Still don't own anything but OCs none of which are in this chapter, also in this chapter Zelda tries a desperate attempt to get her breasts larger ad her father doesn't like it.)

"Gee it sure is boring around here" the King muttered as he stood on his balcony. It had indeed been boring around there for about a month since they and Scatman John had thrown all the Spaceballs in Hyrule out and it was indeed boring.

Suddenly an ad flew in the King's face, the King pulled it off only to see what was on it.

"AH" he screamed before fainting.

Mario (who was right outside the King's door) rushed in to see his majesty on thee floor and an ad that read "have sex with a princess, just $50.'  
Looking down the ad Mario was shocked when he read the name of the princess in question…Zelda.

Five minutes later.

"Zelda, what the fuck are you trying to do?" " The King said.  
"Get my breasts bigger, that's what."  
"Zelda, you're a traitor."

"Why?"

"You're under age."

"Father, I turned seventeen yesterday."  
"Well being a hooker is illegal you know."

"Didn't you legalize prostitution yesterday?"  
The King swore words so bad they can't be printed in this Fic before stalking off to his throne room.

Mario followed him, "why is it so important to you?"  
"First off I'm her father and secondly if the UP (United Poop) find out about this Hyrule would be a laughing stock."  
Mario suddenly got an idea, "I'll get help" the plumber chuckled before using his cell phone to call a friend of his…Fox McCloud."

"Hello Fox I-a needa your help" the plumber explained using his Italian accent for the first time in this Fic.

"This isn't a very good time" the merc explained, he was out of breath and panting heavily…and he wasn't the only person he heard.

"Are you having sex?"  
"No I'm not" the fox said despite Mario hearing both a squeaking bed and moaning rom both him and someone else.

"No, I'ma pretty sure you having it."

"You're hearing things."  
"Oh Fox" came the husky voice of his blue furred vixen girlfriend, Krystal "give me another barrel roll."

"I'm on it" he replied having then abandoned the phone (not realizing he still had it on as he proceeded to screw his girlfriend.

Mario was about to hang up when he saw Gwonam fly through the window.

"Your majesty, Zelda is being a traitor."  
"I know" said majesty replied.

"Hey Squadalah man."  
"My name is Gwonam."

"Whatever, I need you to teleport something."  
"What exactly?"  
"A bed with two people having sex on it" Mario said handing him the phone.

Gwonam pulled out his crystal ball and holding it in his other hand said "Squadalah they are here."  
A flash of light came, showing that the teleportation was successful…however Fox and Krystal (who had their eyes closed) didn't realize they'd been teleported and were still having sex.

"Hello?" The help-seeking plumber said.

Krystal (who at that moment was on all fours and nearly finished with their intercourse if you know what I mean) opened her eyes and realized they weren't on the Great Fox (in Fox's bedroom) "uh Fox."  
"what is it now" Fox muttered before opening his eyes.  
Fox did a double take when he finally realized that he wasn't on the Great Fox anymore.  
"WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU WANT!"

"Help."

"For what?

"Getting Zelda to stop being a whore."  
"Why should I? You interrupted my sex."  
"Because you owe me a favor."

Fox groaned "fine I'll do it…just get me my crew and some clothes."  
"Okey dokey" Mario said before Gwonam sent Fox and Krystal back to get the crew.  
"I'll get help too" the King said before going off to get it.

THE NEXT MORNING.

Men from far and wide had gathered there to screw Zelda but just then.

"Free cakes" the Baker, having been flown in from Gamelon to help out the King. Was walking away from the castle offering free cakes, as stupid as this was some of the men left.

"Hey who wants to eat something spicy?" the Beer Guy said (having came from Koridai to help) before taking a bite of his sausage and finishing "know what I mean?"  
This had a greater effect than the Baker's cakes and three times the number of men the Baker got to leave left (300 to be exact) with now 1,409 men still there.

"Hey guys, this is Helsing920" Hellsing920 said before getting 9 men away from he crowd so they could hear his new rant.

While these distractions happened Fox went ahead of the crowd and put up a sign saying 'sexy vixen striptease' it also had an arrow that directed them to it…500 perverts headed out of the group.

What they didn't realize is that the trail lead off a cliff (no offense to furries.)

"Lamp oil, rope, bombs you want it?" Morshu said (yes the King hired him for help) before throwing bombs that killed 300 of the assembled men.

Then Slippy, Peppy and Falco showed up in klansman outfits "are you sure this is going to work?" Said the falcon to the frog.

"There's nothing nobody hates more than Klansman, so I'm sure it will" not realizing that I hate Garth Ennis and communists way, way, WAY more than I hate the klan.

They walked right into view and pulled out some handguns.  
The crowd was scared shitless but not for the reasons they thought it was.

"OH MY GOD, GHOSTS!"  
The whole crowd left though so Slippy's plan both backfired and worked at the same time.

Unfortunately a crowd twice as large as the first showed up…and they saw the whole fight.

"Hey those guys are trying to keep us from fucking Zelda, LET'S KILL THEM!"

They surged forth like a river rushing towards them with intent to kill.

"Oh shit" Morshu grumbled before hurling several bombs at the crowd (actually killing a hundred.)  
The King's forces grabbed their weapons (the King grabbed his Dinner Blaster, the Beer Guy grabbed his beer mug, Fara finally came out with his sword, the Baker returned with the 300 that left (who now chose to help him after eating his narcotic cakes) and his rock hard (stale I mean) cakes, Hellsing920 pulled out his longboxes (and got the fans 9 who heard his rant to help him), Gwonam activated the razor edge of his flying carpet, Impa got out the Triforce of Wisdom, Morshu got out lamp oil, rope, more bombs and his shotgun, the Starfox team pulled out their lasers and last but not least Mario got out some mushrooms, his toaster, some meatballs and his hammer.)

The army of pervs didn't slow down in the least (the fools.) Ending with 500 of them getting killed in the first minute.

However it'd get tedious to describe the whole thing so I'll just skip to the best part.

"NO there's too many…I'm fucked and not in a good way" the King said in despair as the wave of creeps cut him off from his comrades.

They were about to kill the King when.

"You are my prisoner."  
Much to everyone's shock Ganon appeared above the army with Bowser (who held a minigun), Dr. Robotnik (with a PINGAS shaped laser pistol) Roy Batty (with his Faces of Evil), Injurin' Joe (he's a fucking bear, he doesn't need any weapons), IM Meen (with his book), Dr. Rabbit (with his drill), Gaston (with his musket), Frollo (with his sword), Big Bill Hell (with a car trebuchet), Calypso (with Sweet Tooth who he was using as a club), M. Bison (with his cornflakes), and Fred (with his super annoying voice) right next to him.

"YOU DARE TO TRY AND KILL THE KING? (I'm supposed to do that one of these days…I think) YOU MUST DIE!  
Ganon's forces the proceeded to decimate the enemies and restore everything to normal…then Eduardo Flamingo came by eating a face sandwich.

(If anyone thinks the battle was poorly written…that what I planned on doing. Also the idea of me hating Garth Ennis and communism more than the KKK is a joke though those two things do come pretty close.)


	10. Cameo by the actual YTP Universe

(I only own myself in this Fanfic.)

Earth-309's France: 9: 30 PM.

In the Notre Dome cathedral a meeting was being held…one that would be very important on another world.

The architect of this meeting was none other than Claude Frollo, an asshole who happened to be the richest man in France…and currently he was having to put up with an even bigger asshole than him.  
"No one can fuck like Gaston."  
"You've said this a thousand times already" the judge growled…and no he wasn't exaggerating.

"No one can annoy people like Gaston."  
"You've said that a thousand times too."

"No one can-"  
"SHUT THE FUCK UP ALREADY!"  
"Sorry" LeFou (Gaston's best friend and part time lackey) apologized "he accidently drank decaf this morning."  
"Wouldn't that have the opposite effect?"  
"No one gets effected by decaf in reverse like Gaston."  
"Don't worry Frollo" Lefou assured "if he drinks espresso he'll be back to normal."  
ONE ESPRESSO LATER.

"Now then" the judge said "we need everyone else here before this meeting can-"

"Sca ba da doobie do" scatted Louie as he swung into the room (carrying Mowgli as well.)

Stromboli (who had been counting his YTP collection when he was called) had also walked in then (having just left the trail he was in for murdering a sentient puppet named Pinocchio.)

"Now that we have been assembled I, Judge Claude Frollo shall tell you the reason I assembled you all."

He pulled out a remote and pressed a button on it, then a wall moved open and revealed a sort of portal generating machine…and guess who was next to it.

"Hello Frollo" GlaDOS said to the gypsy obsessed judge/dickhead "as you ReQuested I proTected your staSh of gyPsy pOrn."

"YOU MECHANICAL BITCH, I TOLD YOU NOT TO TALK ABOUT THAT YOU LOUSY CU-"  
ZAP!

GlaDos was pissed off by Frollo's insult and proceeded to zap him a laser cannon "SAy thaT aGain and the Media fInds out you cAused the 'Scout MeTeor'."

Frollo cursed under his breath "I knew I never should have bought her."

Straightening his hair he began his presentation "As I was going to tell you, recently I had a project commissioned."

"Of course you did" Gaston scoffed "what else do you do all day except touch yourself while thinking of that slut Esmer-"

He was cut off when Frollo shoved a convenient bowling ball into Gaston's lap…Gaston was wishing he had brought a cup right about now.

"Now as I was saying, I had commissioned a project. The project was to make a machine that could travel into other Universes."

"Hey" Stromboli interrupted "if yer talking about the other worlds in this universe, then way not just buy a Gummi ship?"  
"Because this isn't another world it's a whole new Universe."  
At this everyone (except Gaston who was still bragging) showed great interest.

Frollo's following rant was very long and boring so let's just skip to the exciting part…the journey to another Universe.

MEANWHILE ON EARTH-214.

"GENTLEMEN, BEHOLD!" The booming voice of Dr. Weird said "MY TRANSDOMENSIONAL PORTAL MACHINE!"  
Behind his large, invention displaying door lay a magnificent looking machine…from which sprang Frollo, Gaston, Lefou, Strombolli, and King Louie.

Frollo looked at the machine "mine's bigger" he quipped before looking for people to kill.

Dr. Weird blinked "alright, now I'm confused."

"Took him long enough" Steve (his assistant) muttered under his breath.

MEANWHILE IN THE MUSHROOM KINGDOM.

"Gee, it sure is boring around here."

Link had been bored since his defeat of Bowser yesterday and not even spaghetti could excite him (nor could the idea of spying on Peach in the shower because that hadn't occurred to him.

But just as Link was about think of what to do an anchor burst through the wall.

Link was slightly startled before looking out it and saw Gaston harassing the townsfolk.

"No one is as big a douchebag as me" Gaston sang as he attempted to feel up a woman, not realizing Link had shot an arrow at him.

"YEOW!" the perverted hunter screamed, Link however had just scaled down the wall of the castle and ran out to confront Gaston.  
"What the fuck are you doing?" Link demanded.

"Why? Gaston answers to no one."  
"Tell me now or you will die" Link said pulling out a bomb.

"Gaston is going to kill you" the hunter said pulling out his musket.

Link and Gaston then proceed to engage in a fight so epic it cannot be written. So we'll cut to the ending.

"Wow that was an epic fight Gaston" Lefou complimented "I especially liked it when you used that spaghetti machine gun the green guy had."  
Gaston would have liked this praise if it weren't for the fact that he was unconshious and handcuffed to a post.

Link then grabbed Lefou and demanded to know what he was doing (on an unrealated note Lupin III was stealing Link's stuff.

Lefou gave him the whole story

"So Frollo just wants to come here and rape gypsies?" (they were discussing their plan off text.)

"It's true but Gaston just wanted to go wreck havoc."  
As Link stood up to stop Frollo's plan he didn't notice Lupin III walking by with a large sack labeled "the shit I stole from Link."

ONE MONTH LATER

Link had finally found Frollo's lair (an abandoned subway station) and had disposed of the guards (Evil Hood who tried to eat him and Little John despite how badass he is

Link and Luigi had walked in oblivious to the fact that Mad Stan was rigging the place to explode (even mad bombers hate Frollo) and walked right onto his gypsy raping alter.

Just then Frollo appeared, "what the fuck are you doing here?"  
"I'm here to keep you from raping gypsies."  
"Fuck off you little faggot" Frollo bellowed proceeding to pull out his sword and call for Stromboli and King Louie.

Stromboli attempted to bash Luigi with his jug of wiskey but got tied up with Luigi's spaghetti powers.

King Louie attemped to strangle it Link singing his song "I wanna be like you."  
Unfortunately for him Link just threw him off into a tunnel, bumping Mad Stan and thus pissing him off.

King Louie was lucky Mad Stan had just ran out of explosives as the mad bomber chased him off.

Then it was just Link and Frollo (with Luigi and an audience watching all of them oblivious to the fact that Lupin III had just pickpocketed all of them.)

And so they fought.

And fought.

And fought.

And fought.

And fought.

And fought.

And fought.

And fought.

Until Mad Stan got bored and detonated the bombs (oddly enough nobody died in the explosion although Frollo did end up with his hair catching fire…and his penis burnt up.)  
As Link and Luigi trudged out Link muttered "when will I find anything interesting."  
Upon returning to the castle though it turned out that the princess wanted a threeway and had Link and Luigi help her and they all living happily…until they realized Lupin III robbed their castle while they were fucking.


End file.
